Sunday, February 18, 2007

Dark Mood

i have of late, but wherefore i know not, lost all my mirth.
well not all my mirth but a good chunk of it. i've not been as happy of late but i'm taking steps to change that.

is there a direct correlation between flashlight carrying and inner happiness? who knows? maybe not for everyone, but possibly for myself. there are things that you do and all is right with the world. certain routines and standards we get into give our life structure, and carrying a torch is something i (usually) do. some days lately though, my arc arc lsl-st flashlight has not been with me. could it be a comfort blanket?

health ups and downs, and sore bones haven't helped. a new pair of boots has just arrived for me so hopefully this will give my skeleton a boost. they don't have an orange trim like my old boots, but don't worry bulbfans, i'll continue to give my bulbboy avatar orange trimmed boots.

Christine's death affected me more than i thought it would. whenever i see someone with red hair she comes to mind. even though i only had the pleasure of knowing her for a short while, i reflect quite often on her passing. things at work feel different, not as fulfilling. on the other hand though, i think that relationships between some co-workers has improved. while not being bad before, supporting each other during the funeral time strengthens links between people.

how do you pull yourself out of a dark stupor, with a flashlight? not for everyone, but doing what you enjoy and what makes you happy is a good start. slicing my tongue made me happy even though it led some friends to believe i was self harming. i can see their point of view, but in the grand scheme of things a small slice don't make no never mind.

what do you routinely do that makes you happy?


Vicious Summer said...

Don't worry, your bulb with brighten up again. Every normal person has highs and lows and Christine's passing probably has a lot to do with this low.

You could go to the doctor and get some "happy pills" to trick yourself into thinking you are happy, or you can just ride it out, sort out your feelings and come out a better person for it. (I recommend the second one ;)...).

And to answer your question, nothing "routine" makes me happy. I need constant change to be happy. Today I will play golf, tomorrow I will ride my bike, Thursday I may eat sushi, Friday perhaps I will sleep ALL DAY, in a week I might go snowboarding, next month I might be in Puerto Rico, tomorrow I might go to a casino, yesterday I did cartwheels, etc.

Today, do something that you have never done before.

Lever said...

Dude, I know where you're coming from. I've had dark days when I think fuckitall but then I see the good people around me and it's all OK again, I mean, hey, some serious shit has been and gone before so what the hell could be any worse, aye?

Anyway, springtime is nearly upon us. OK, OK, not a good time for torches & flashlights I know, but sunshine is a tonic in itself.

If you weren't so far away I'd say let's pop down the pub for a beer and a chat... always does good :)

Bulbboy said...

Summer, you're probably right, i will lighten up again soon no doubt.
And you are definitely right about the 'happy pills'. After the course of pills the doc put me on last year to treat fibro didn't work, never again.

Thanks, Lever. Mine would be a ginger beer, chocolate, or orange juice; never did acquire a taste for beer. :)